Walking on the Sidewalk of Peace, and Glimpsing Disaster Across the Street

Its been three solid years of growth for me since 2009. I am physically, mentally, and spiritually in places that I have never been before (all good).

At the end of 2008 I found myself divorced, battling serious personal issues, playing witness to my parents divorce, and feeling like life had cheated me....like it owed me something. I was miserable.

The pivotal moment of transition in my life occurred when I accepted where I was. And I was lost. I remember feeling like my life was over and that I had failed. But once I had accepted things for what they were, thats when my life began to change. That's also when I opened my heart and let Christ in. Dont worry. Im not going to preach (I don't do that), but this was a huge moment for me, because I had been agnostic/atheist for most of my life. I will never forget reading a quote by the atheist philosopher, Bertrand Russell, before I had entered that state of acceptance. The quote is: "If you choose not to believe in God, then you have chosen to accept that there is no meaning to life." This really jarred me. As an artist, I was/am always thinking about meaning and life. I was just applying it on such a small scale.

As I was discovering spirituality, I was making major changes in my life. I was getting up at 5am and running around the Rose Bowl. I was immersing myself in a self defense called Krav Maga. I was reading a lot (namely Victor Hugo's Les Miserables, which impacted me tremendously). I was praying. I was eating healthier. I was spending time with myself and with a very select few people. I sought discipline. I sought a new me.

When I divorced, I also divorced all things that I deemed to be negatively associated with my "old" life. I divorced people, I divorced habits, I divorced certain thought patterns. Nothing could have been better than doing this. The most difficult part was extricating myself from numerous relationships...numerous friends. I dont expect them to understand, nor do I expect them to forgive me. There come times, when we have to focus on ourselves for the right reason. By doing this, we can become a better instrument to help others.

We have to suffer to really grow. There is no way around this. How we act, react, and conduct ourselves in the ongoing microcosms of life, determine where we end up and how we end up.

Because of the changes I made, because I opened up my heart, I was rewarded with an Angel, and that Angel is my wife of today. She has been a major reason why the most recent years of my my life have been the best years.

The quest for peace and wisdom never ends and is relentlessly tested. I cant think of a better test to take.